


take my hand (take my whole life too)

by starlightpulses



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Christmas, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Winter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-12
Updated: 2018-12-12
Packaged: 2019-09-16 22:56:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16963056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starlightpulses/pseuds/starlightpulses
Summary: Jeno and Jaemin, and their relationship through seven Christmas/winter seasons.





	take my hand (take my whole life too)

_“So it’s not cold at all today, on this warm winter,_  
_Because you’re always by my side.”_

   

❄          ❄          ❄

  

**SEVEN**

 

The sky is overcast, shades of light gray stretching over the horizon, not a glimpse of blue in sight. The morning air is cool on the skin, almost unforgiving when it strengthens into a gale. The bright golden leaves of autumn trees have long since fallen, the winds of winter slipping past the withered tree branches. Snow falls over the city for the first time that year, painting the town in immaculate white.

“Jeno! Let’s go out!” a high-pitched voice laced with giggles and excitement pierces through the silence of the morning. “It’s snowing!”

“I’m so sorry,” an woman’s voice says, tone hushed and apologetic. “He got so excited when he saw the snow and begged me to take him here. Jaemin, dear, don’t be too loud. And be careful!” the voice admonishes. Audible thumps of small feet running up the stairs follow.

Buried under thick blankets that barely do anything for the cold seeping into his skin, Jeno stirs. In his slumber, he hears a familiar voice calling his name. _Just five more minutes_ , he thinks sleepily. He vaguely hears his bedroom door open, followed by rapid footfalls of socked feet on the carpeted floor.

“Jeno! Jenooo! Jenooooo!” the voice calls out again, louder and more insistent this time, followed by a human cannonball hitting his bed. “Wake up, sleepyhead!”

Seven year-old Jeno opens his eyes blearily, dark brown eyes aiming for focus until they land on the boy sprawled next to him, hair a little bit messy from his antics, brown bangs falling over eyes that sparkle with anticipation and playfulness. The boy giggles at the sight of Jeno's bedhead, black hair pointing in all directions. He reaches out to smoothen Jeno's hair.

“Jaeminie,” Jeno says groggily, wiping the sleep from his eyes. He looks at the digital clock on his bedside table. _7:30 AM_ , it read. “It’s too early. Why are you here?”

Jaemin sits up and starts bouncing excitedly on the bed. “It’s snowing, Jeno! Let’s go make snowmen and see who can build a bigger one!”

Despite the sleepy haze occupying his mind, Jeno smiles fondly at Jaemin’s competitiveness. He remembers their first meeting a little over two years ago in the neighbourhood park. He was minding his own business playing on the sandbox when a boy his age with eyes that shone like the stars and the longest lashes he had ever seen popped out of nowhere and asked him if he wanted to race across the monkey bars. The race ended with Jaemin winning (secretly, Jeno let him—it was nice to see the boy’s face light up triumphantly), but not without bruising his left hand in his haste to win. He wouldn’t stop crying until Jeno kissed it better.

 

_"But my Grandma always kisses it better!” five year-old Jaemin had argued through his sniffling._

_“I—I don’t even know you!” Jeno retorted, flustered at the idea of kissing the hand of this kid he barely knew._

_"I’m Na Jaemin. And you?”_

_"Lee Jeno.”_

_“Okay, then, Lee Jeno,” he sniffed, “Please kiss my hand to make it better.”_

_“What a weird kid,” Jeno thought. “Oh well, I’m never going to see him again anyway.” Despite his reservations, he took Jaemin’s hand and complied, lips barely brushing the hand in question before dropping it hastily._

_But Jeno was wrong. A couple of weeks later on the first day of kindergarten, he was surprised to come face to face with the boy he had labelled “weird kid with the bright smile” in his mind._

_"Oh, Moon eyes”_

_“Moon eyes?” Jeno sputtered._

_Weird kid with the bright smile shrugged, “Forgot your name. But your eyes, they’re like crescent moons when you smile.”_

_“My name is Jeno.”_

_"Okay, ‘My name is Jeno’, wanna go play on the monkey bars?”_

 

They have been inseparable ever since.

 

\--

 

Thirty minutes later, appropriately dressed for the weather and bundled in winter clothes, Jeno carefully trudges down his front porch to find Jaemin making a snow angel in the yard.

“You don’t even like the cold,” Jeno teases, playfully kicking snow in Jaemin’s general direction.

“Stop that!” Jaemin shrieks. He holds out his hand. “Help me up?” eyes staring deceivingly innocent up at Jeno, who reaches down to help without second thought. There’s a gentle pull, and the next thing Jeno knows, he is lying face up on the snow next to Jaemin.

“Got you!” Jaemin’s voice rings triumphantly next to him.

Jeno snorts. “Whatever happened to making a snowman? Aren’t you cold?”

Jaemin moves his arms to make an imprint of angel wings in the snow, and only then does Jeno realize that he’s still holding Jaemin’s hand. “Let’s make snow angels first,” Jaemin says, and he turns to Jeno with his bright, _bright_ smile. “Your hand is warm, the cold doesn’t bother me.”

Jeno feels the temperature rise, vaguely aware of snowflakes quickly melting on his flushed cheeks, as he grips Jaemin’s hand tighter in his. He really can’t find it in his heart to say no, so they lay there on the snow next to each other making angel imprints, snowman competition forgotten, until Jeno’s mom and Jaemin’s grandmother yell at them to come inside before they catch a cold.

  

❄          ❄          ❄

  

**ELEVEN**

 

Rows of Christmas confectionery are lined up in the pan on the kitchen counter, waiting to be decorated. The smell of cinnamon, mint, and vanilla permeate the air.

Jaemin stands on the counter, eyebrows furrowed and tongue poking out in concentration as he carefully squeezes cream from the piping instrument into a cookie to make Santa’s beard. Cooking and baking was one of his special skills (bless Grandmother Na for letting him tag along in the kitchen), so when Jeno’s mother asked him if he wanted to help make Christmas cookies, he jumped up eagerly. (“ _But we’re not done with this game yet!_ ” Jeno had whined.) Jaemin would have loved to make Christmas cookies at home with his family, but his parents were always busy with work.

An hour later, Jeno enters the kitchen, a string of Christmas lights in his hands. “Nana, are you done yet?” he asks. After finishing the game alone and then moping for a good half hour, he had decided to come down and make himself useful by helping his father set up the Christmas tree. “Let’s go decorate the tree.”

“Just give me a few more minutes, just three more gingerbread men left to—hey! I wasn’t finished with that!” Jaemin exclaims.

Jeno sits on a stool in the counter, munching on a gingerbread man. “Only two gingerbread men left, then!” he chirps happily, placing his hands on his chin as he watches Jaemin finish decorating the cookies.

“Hmph,” Jaemin sniffs, turning to the second-to-the-last gingerbread man. He feels Jeno’s eyes on him, and as his eyes flick in Jeno’s direction, he is met with the older boy’s smiling eyes.

Next to Jaemin, Jeno’s sixteen-year-old sister Ji-eun pauses from her task of sorting the finished cookies to give Jeno a knowing look. “Unlike you, Jaemin is being helpful. Stop being so clingy, he’s not yours.” There is a teasing lilt to her voice.

“He is too!” Jeno singsongs before sticking a tongue out at his sister, missing the way Jaemin’s cheeks turn pink and the way he almost drops the piping instrument. “And I’m being helpful, see this, I’m helping decorate the tree.” He turns back to Jaemin, who is hunched down in the pretense of being absorbed with decorating the cookies, if only to hide his flaming cheeks. “Nana, you’re so cute when you’re concentrating,” Jeno says, eyes disappearing into crescents as his grin widens.

Jaemin feels his face heat up even more, heart suddenly throwing itself against his ribcage. He looks down at the cookie he’s decorating and groans when he realizes he put too much icing after squeezing the piping instrument too hard.

“Almost as cute as you look when you lose at games,” Jeno continues haughtily as he hops off the stool, narrowly missing the cream Jaemin flicks in his direction.

Ji-eun smiles at this exchange. “Go on, Jaemin. I think I can manage with this last cookie,” she takes the piping instrument from Jaemin and shoos him in the general direction of the living room. “Go help Dad and Jeno with the tree.”

 

\--

 

“So where will you be spending Christmas eve?” Jeno asks, as he and Jaemin are decorating the tree. Jeno’s father has long since abandoned the tree, choosing to watch TV with Jeno’s mother.

A barely noticeable shadow passes on Jaemin’s face as he pins a poinsettia on a tree branch. “In the morning I’ll be volunteering at the Children’s Shelter, but after that I'll be spending Christmas eve alone at home. Mom and Dad are away on a business trip.” 

Jeno pauses from stringing the Christmas lights around the tree and takes a look at Jaemin, whose normally bright face is uncharacteristically gloomy. The Na family is known to be wealthy, but the cost of their affluence is the family spending little time together. Jaemin was practically raised by his Grandmother, who unfortunately had to go to Busan earlier that year to help take care of Jaemin’s newborn cousin. Jaemin’s constant companion at home is the middle-aged caretaker, Mrs. Song, who has been around since Jaemin was a baby. Jeno knows that Jaemin gets lonely often, but this fact is often overshadowed by the bubbly boy’s bright personality and positivism.

Jeno reaches out and drapes Christmas lights on Jaemin’s shoulder.

“What are you doing?” Jaemin asks, bewildered, as Jeno starts twining the lights around him.

“Why the dark face? Brighten up, it doesn’t suit you,” Jeno interrupts. He looks at Jaemin, his usually smiling eyes serious and intense. He stops winding the lights around Jaemin and rests his hands on Jaemin’s shoulders. “I— We can be your home for Christmas, Nana.”

Jaemin feels his heart swell at that, emotions threatening to spill as he feels his eyes water. “Thank you, Jeno,” he says softly.

“You’re always welcome here,” Jeno replies, face flushing a little as he drops his hands from Jaemin’s shoulders and resumes putting the lights on the tree.  

 

From across the room, the rest of Jeno’s family eye them with interest.

“He didn’t even ask for permission if he can have a guest over for Christmas eve,” Ji-eun giggles.

Jeno’s father silences her gently, “It’s fine, Jaemin is welcome anytime.” He glances at the pair by the Christmas tree, talking animatedly as they continue decorating the tree. He watches his son’s face, radiant like no other, eyes full of adoration as he looks at the boy beside him. Perhaps it was too early to tell, perhaps he was just reading too much into things. But if his intuition was right, one day he and Jeno would need to have _A Talk_. When that time comes, he wants to let Jeno know that he supports him and loves him none the less.

  

❄          ❄          ❄

 

  **SEVENTEEN**

  

“So about tomorrow’s Christmas eve party,” a voice says behind Jeno.

Jeno groans internally as he grabs his duffel bag from his locker. The basketball team had just finished the last practice of the year, and the session was grueling, to say the least. Muscles sore and aching, all he wanted to do was to go home and crash on his bed for a solid eight hours. He did _not_ have time for _this_. “You know partying isn’t my thing, Minho,” he says as he closes his locker door, coming face to face with Minho, the captain of the basketball team, also one of his friends.

Minho sighs exasperatedly. “That’s just it, man. Three years in the basketball team and you barely go out and have fun with us. Is it because of that Na kid again?”

At the mention of Jaemin in a negative light, Jeno’s face darkens a little. “His name is Jaemin,” he answers, voice clipped. It bothered him more than a little that his other circle of friends saw Jaemin as a competition for his time and attention.

Despite being practically joined at the hip since the age of five, Jeno and Jaemin grew up to have different interests. Jeno, the more studious of the two, was consistently listed in the honor roll. He was athletic too, and played for both the basketball and tennis teams. His combination of looks, brains, and athleticism made him, unwittingly, one of the most popular boys in his year. Girls flocked after him, practically swooning when he paid them the least bit of attention. Guys aspired to be like him, and if they couldn’t, they wanted be his friend.

Jaemin, on the other hand, was an average student. Interestingly, his extracurricular activities were mostly outside the boundaries of school. Up until freshman year, he skated competitively for their city’s skating team, where he was able to bag a respectable number of medals that earned him a spot in the nationals. By the time he reached his sophomore year, the hours of training took its toll on Jaemin, and he realized he had no desire to pursue competitive skating any further. He hung up his skates and joined the school’s Dance Club instead. He also continued with his volunteer work and acts of philanthropy, which he started when he was young—a result of his parents’ influence.

Different interests and social circles aside, Jeno and Jaemin remained close. As they moved from kindergarten to elementary to high school, they managed to establish a close-knit group of friends, oddly mixed, but somehow well-matched. In elementary, they met and befriended Donghyuck, a sharp-witted, rambunctious boy from Jeju who moved to the house across the street from Jeno. Come high school, Jaemin took a Chinese exchange student named Renjun under his wing, and included him in their group of friends by extension. It was an unwritten rule among the four of them—on Mondays and Wednesdays they would leave school together; on Tuesdays and Thursdays, the four of them would sit together at lunch. Fridays were for Jeno and Jaemin alone, and somehow Donghyuck and Renjun never questioned this setup, eyes seeking each other knowingly whenever the pair would leave school together on Fridays.

Despite his popularity, Jeno preferred quiet get-togethers with friends over loud parties where underage drinking was always present. That being said, he generally avoided going out with his friends from the athletics club, as their hangouts usually deviated to the latter type. In addition—Jeno would never say it to anyone—but he always, _always_ reserved his Christmas Eve for Jaemin. The two of them have been spending Christmas Eve together since they were eleven. Jaemin’s parents always seemed to be perpetually busy during the Christmas holidays, so Jeno had taken it upon himself to make sure that Jaemin wouldn’t spend it alone. This year, he was supposed to go skating with Jaemin before having dinner at home with Jeno’s family.

“Are you going to spend Christmas Eve with Na Jaemin? What is he, your boyfriend?” Minho teases as they push on the school doors into the relentless cold waiting outside.

The blood in Jeno’s veins runs cold, and he shivers imperceptibly. He adjusts his scarf in vain, knowing it would do nothing to dampen the cold sensation slowly creeping through his body. He feels queasy, and he isn’t quite sure if his stomach feels heavy like lead or if it’s doing somersaults. Somewhere in the pool of Jeno’s mind is a realization that has been brimming under the calm surface. He anchors this thought down with fear of the unknown and uncertainty. His mind kicks into defensive mode.

“It has nothing to do with Jaemin,” Jeno retorts, and he mentally congratulates himself for sounding so steady. “I don’t have plans on Christmas eve,” the words are out before he can even think, and he mentally winces. _Damn flight response._

Minho gives him a smug grin. “Good, then it’s settled. Come over at 8 PM-ish.”

Jeno internally smacks himself.

 

\--

 

**Thursday, 23 December, 8:28 PM**

From: Jeno

To: Jaem Jaem Na Jaem

_Nana, I’m sorry, but I have to cancel for tomorrow. The Basketball team is insisting that I come to Minho’s party. TAT_

_Will you be okay alone?_ _I can ask Minho if I can take you with me._

 

**Thursday, 23 December, 8:36 PM**

From: Jaemin

To: ❤ Acorn ❤

 _Oh. It’s okay, don’t worry about it._ (￣▽￣)ノ

 _I don’t think they’ll be happy to see me there hehe_ (≖ ‿ ≖)

 

**Thursday, 23 December, 8:40 PM**

From: Jeno

To: Jaem Jaem Na Jaem

_Maybe we can go skating next Christmas Eve instead?_

 

\--

 

Jeno’s head is throbbing, and the loud music blasting from the speakers is doing nothing to help his case. He has only been at Minho’s party for a good hour, yet he already wants to leave. The place is way too crowded for his liking, and he has been jostled to the point of almost falling flat on his face more than once.  On top of it all, he feels tipsy. Minho had been passing him cup after cup of an unknown beverage ( _“It’s a mango-peach-four seasons mix!”_ he had shouted over the din, when Jeno looked at it dubiously), and by the fourth cup, when he was starting to feel light-headed, he realized he had been played. He really, _really_ wanted to go home. His mother was going to have his head for drinking alcohol. So he did the next-logical thing his alcohol-clouded mind could come up with: he messaged Donghyuck to ask if he and his brother could come pick him up.

His phone beeps, and he sighs with relief as Donghyuck’s name flashes on the screen with a message telling him to get his sorry drunk ass outside. He tries to look for Minho, but he eventually gives up after five minutes of futile searching. He messages him goodbye instead, and heads for the door.

As luck would have it, he is stopped at the threshold by Hyeri, the cheerleading captain who’s known to have an interest in him. “Hey Jeno,” she calls out and stops him, hand resting lightly on his shoulder, a glint of mischief in her eyes. “Leaving so soon? Stay and have fun with us for once.”

Out of nowhere, somebody’s voice singsongs, “Mistletoe!”, and suddenly Jeno and Hyeri are surrounded by a small group of people, chanting, “Kiss! Kiss!” Jeno glances up and sees the treacherous piece of fauna hanging over their heads.

“It’s tradition, Jeno,” Hyeri purrs, and she leans in towards him, lips puckered as Jeno freezes at the understanding of what is happening.

_This was going to be his first kiss._

Jeno’s mind slows down and speeds up at the same time, and memories flash by: the scent of warm cotton, the taste of soy sauce egg rice, a high-pitched voice squealing in excitement, the same voice dropping low to a soothing tone, cold feet wrapped around his ankles during sleepovers, long lashes falling over eyes that hold galaxies, and a smile that brightens the world. A realization threatens to break into the surface and he struggles to push it down and drown it out.

Jeno snaps out of his reverie just in time and he jerks his head to the side, narrowly missing Hyeri’s lips as they land on his cheek, dangerously near the corner of his lips. He hears excited squeals and registers the telltale clicks of mobile cameras. “Uh, no thanks,” he says loudly, and gently pushes Hyeri away. He wipes his cheek in disgust.

She huffs and tosses her hair over her shoulder. “Your loss, sweetie.” She and her possé leave and rejoin the chaos in the living room.

 

“You kind of look like shit,” Donghyuck greets him as he settles on the back seat after thanking Donghyuck’s brother Johnny for the ride. “What took you so long?”

“Mistletoe.” Jeno grunts out.

 

\--

 

Jaemin is lying on his bed, fairy lights casting an iridescent glow over his room. The shadows do nothing for the gloom etched on his face. He feels more than a little self-pity—today is the first Christmas Eve in six years that he is spending alone. _I was really looking forward to going skating, too,_ he thinks.

Still moping, he opens his phone and launches Instagram, where he is greeted by a sight that makes bile rise to his throat: a picture of Jeno and Hyeri, a beautiful senior who has been after Jeno since their sophomore year, kissing under the mistletoe. The silence in the room is deafening for a moment as Jaemin stares transfixed at the photo on top of his feed. _This is Jeno’s first kiss_ , the thought resonates in Jaemin's mind and startles him back to reality. He exits the app and tosses his phone away. He stares unseeing at the ceiling, image of the picture he saw earlier imprinted on his mind. 

 _This is my karma for falling in love with my best friend_ , Jaemin thinks. It was interesting how the thought came naturally to him now, when all but three years ago, he had struggled with the realization about his sexuality and his feelings for Jeno. He knows Jeno is straight—he had offhandedly mentioned his passing interest on certain girls throughout the years ( _“Don’t you think that girl from class 1-D is pretty? She has a nice smile.” “Her form is so nice, look at how she floats across the court when she plays!”_ )

Jaemin has never considered the possibility of his feelings being reciprocated, and he would rather die from unrequited love than lose Jeno as his friend ( _“Don't be so dramatic. Hanahaki Disease isn’t real, Nana,”_ Renjun rolled his eyes at him, unimpressed). Jeno had shown him nothing but kindness, he was patient when Jaemin was being petty, he let Jaemin shower him with affection even if he himself was averse to openly expressing feelings, he was a constant presence in Jaemin’s life who kept the loneliness at bay, he was the calm to Jaemin’s tempest. To Jaemin, he was like home. So Jaemin pushed his feelings aside, reminding himself everyday to play the part of a good best friend and not let his feelings show. (He knows he fails more often than he would want, if Renjun’s knowing smile and Donghyuck’s exasperated sigh whenever the two of them are too close for comfort are any indication.)

 _You’re going to be happy for him, Na Jaemin,_ he scolds himself, as he brushes away his bangs in frustration. _But that doesn’t make it hurt any less._

 

\--

 

**Friday, 24 December, 10:14 PM**

From: Renjun

To: long-legged hobbit

_Are you seeing what I'm seeing? Why is Jeno kissing a girl and it's all over Instagram?_

 

**Friday, 24 December, 10:17 PM**

From: Donghyuck

To: Tinkerbell

_Picked Jeno up from the party. He looks like shit, like one of his cats just died._

_He got caught under a mistletoe, but he says it was just on the cheek_

 

**Friday, 24 December, 10:19 PM**

From: Renjun

To: long-legged hobbit

_WHO EVEN GETS CAUGHT UNDER A MISTLETOE? YOUR BEST FRIEND IS AN IDIOT_

 

**Friday, 24 December, 10:22 PM**

From: Donghyuck

To: Tinkerbell

_HE'S JAEMIN'S BEST FRIEND, NOT MINE_

_Anyway, I asked him to sleep over at my place, looks like he needs company_

 

**Friday, 24 December, 10:25 PM**

From: Renjun

To: long-legged hobbit

_Alright. I'll take care of Nana._

 

\--

 

**Friday, 24 December, 10:28 PM**

From: Renjun

To: Nana

_Hey. Are you okay?_

 

**Friday, 24 December, 10:30 PM**

From: Jaemin

To: Injunnie (๑ᴖ◡ᴖ๑)

_Yes._

 

**Friday, 24 December, 10:32 PM**

From: Renjun

To: Nana

_Want me to come pick you up? You can sleep over._

_I bought a new candle last week, too. We can sit around it and talk, yeah?_

 

**Friday, 24 December, 10:34 PM**

From: Jaemin

To: Injunnie (๑ᴖ◡ᴖ๑)

_Please :(_

 

\--

 

**Friday, 24 December, 10:51 PM**

From: Renjun

To: Jeno

_IDIOT._

  

❄          ❄          ❄

  

**EIGHTEEN**

 

It's three days to Christmas. The air is buzzing with excitement over the holidays, the lights blinking overhead and the faint sound of upbeat Christmas songs playing faintly in the background only adding to the cheer of the season. Jeno sets a foot on the ice gingerly, testing his balance, before stepping fully inside the skating rink. He skirts the edge cautiously as he waits for his companion.

“Sorry to keep you waiting!” a soft feminine voice calls out.

Jeno turns to see a pretty, short-haired girl standing shakily on the ice. He slides towards her and holds on to her elbow to keep her steady. “Naeun, is this your first time?”

She smiles shyly as she shakes her head, “No, but it’s been a while.

 _Why can’t I like her like I should?_   The thought passes through Jeno’s mind, which he quickly pushes away. Naeun is in one of his honors classes, and they’ve been acquaintances since freshman year. She is pretty, smart, and soft-spoken, not at all brazen like most of the girls who are interested in Jeno, and his conversations with her are intellectual and mentally stimulating. She doesn’t bore him, at least. She is good at cooking, too. Jeno first asked her out a month ago, and this was their third date. However, despite Naeun’s merits, Jeno was disappointed that he held nothing but platonic feelings for her, as it had been for the other two girls he dated. This was going to be their last date, _probably_.

The end of last year stirred a lot of feelings inside Jeno. It was almost a figment in his memory: the stolen almost-kiss under the mistletoe, the get-together with his friends two days later (Jaemin being oddly calm, face scarily impassive, Renjun looking like he wanted to throw hands, Donghyuck looking sympathetic), the student population blowing the mistletoe “kiss” out of proportion, Jeno’s admirers deciding to be more aggressive in their efforts to win him.

And then there was _that_ important realization, the thoughts that flashed through his mind when he realized that he was going to be kissed for the first time. The thoughts and feelings were all there, under the calm surface, threatening to reveal themselves. He wasn’t ready yet.

 

And so in his eighteenth year, Jeno started dating.

The first girl, Mina, he dated just in time for Valentine’s Day. She was part of the volleyball team, and unlike most of the people in the popular crowd she hung out with, she was pleasant and friendly. “I like how positive she is, she always looks at the bright side of things. And she’s competitive too, it’s so cute how she pouts when she loses,” Jeno tells his friends over lunch.

From across the table, Renjun is staring at him in disbelief, and after a beat he makes a motion to grab Jeno’s neck in a chokehold. Next to him, Donghyuck pulls him down. “Should I tell him, or nah?”

Jaemin breaks his silence for the first time since they started eating lunch. “I’m happy you’re happy,” he says softly with a slight smile. Jeno’s stomach swoops down at that.

Mina lasts for three weeks.

 

The second girl, Sooyoung, he dates from the end of summer to fall. She’s a year older than him, and is a senior in his school. Jeno meets her when he starts volunteering at the animal shelter on Jaemin’s insistence ( _"It's good exposure if you're going into Veterinary Medicine!"_ Jaemin said convincingly). She’s mature and understanding, and the happiness she radiated while volunteering caught Jeno's attention.

“Let me guess, you like her because she’s warm-hearted,” Donghyuck drawls out, eyes focused on the game, fingers pressing the controller at lightning speed. The four of them are hanging out one weekend at Donghyuck’s house. Jeno and Donghyuck are head on head playing a game, Renjun is lounging lazily on the bed, while Jaemin is downstairs with Donghyuck’s mother preparing snacks.

“How did you know? She even volunteers at the animal shelter,” Jeno says as he tries to get Donghyuck eliminated. He feels a kick on his back and he quickly turns around to give Renjun the evil eye. “Hey! What was that for?”

“Sorry, my foot slipped.” Renjun says from the bed, not looking or sounding sorry at all. “A happy accident.”

“How often do you see someone so eager to help others, huh?” Jeno adds, turning back his attention to the game.

“Uh.” Donghyuck supplies smartly, at a loss for words. He takes his eyes off the screen for a split second to give Jeno an incredulous look. "You're really asking me that?" he finally says, before pressing a few buttons to kill Jeno's character onscreen, as if trying to prove a point.

On cue, Jaemin enters the room, carrying a tray of caramelized fruits and cookies.

Renjun faceplants himself on one of Donghyuck’s pillows. “I should have aimed for the head to knock some sense into that thick skull,” he mutters. Beside Jeno, Donghyuck lets out a snort of laughter.

 

After three months of dating, Jeno couldn’t even bring himself to hold Sooyoung’s hand. He liked her, but initiating skinship felt wrong. By the end of the third month, it was Sooyoung who ended things with him. He had just spent the entire day at the animal shelter with Jaemin, with Sooyoung watching them from the counter. She took him aside to talk to him quickly before leaving for the day.

“I think, perhaps, I’m not what you need,” she said gently, an odd light in her eyes.

“What do you mean?” Jeno asked, perplexed.

She pats him gently on the shoulder, “I like you, but I think, maybe, you only like a part of my character because it reminds you of...other things. You should like a person for her--or his--entirety, Jeno.” And she leaves it at that.

 

\--

 

His sudden interest in dating isn’t lost on his family, too.

“Jeno, sweetie, she’s your third girlfriend this year,” his mother says, concerned, over dinner, when he asks for permission to go skating with Naeun that weekend.

“She’s not my _girlfriend_ , Mom,” Jeno whines, “We’re just dating. Getting to know each other. You know.”

From across him, his sister Ji-eun makes a face. So far, Ji-eun has been vocal about her dislike for all of the girls Jeno was dating.

His parents' eyes meet over the table. His mother’s eyebrows furrow in concern, while his father gives an imperceptible shake of the head.

His father clears his throat. “Whoever you choose to date,” his father says gently, “You know we’ll love you no matter what, right, son?”

The words sink in and suddenly Jeno finds it hard to swallow the slice of beef he shoveled into his mouth earlier.

“Speaking of skating, where’s Jaemin?” his sister interrupts, ignoring their mother’s warning look. “I haven’t seen him around lately. I miss him. Mom’s been looking for him too. Making Christmas cookies isn’t the same without him.”

“He’s been...busy.” Jeno answers slowly. It’s true. Ever since February, Jaemin seemed to occupy himself with extracurricular activities. On top of Dance, he joined the Home Economics club and somehow Renjun was able to drag him into the student council too. They still spent time together, but on top of their respective extracurricular work, and Jeno’s social life being divided between his different friend groups and the girls he had been dating, he was suddenly feeling the distance between them. _Maybe I should ask about his plans for Christmas eve_ , he thinks offhandedly.

 

\--

 

“So you’re dating her because she can cook?” Renjun asks, rolling his eyes. Jeno wonders if Renjun's eyes have rolled back far enough for him to get a view of his eye sockets.

“She’s smart too, we talk about Biochemistry a lot,” Jeno answers defensively.

“Perhaps what you need is a study buddy,” Renjun retorts. He looks disproportionately annoyed, and Jeno doesn’t understand why.

An evil grin breaks out on Donghyuck’s face. “Perhaps, sweetie, you should find someone who is optimistic, competitive, warm-hearted and can cook well. Those seem to be the traits you like the most in each of the girls you’ve dated.”

Renjun chokes on his water.

Mark Lee, the school president, Mr. All-Around, the Perfect Guy whom everybody seems to love, also the newest addition to their lunch table ( _How did that happen anyway?_ Jeno wonders. One day he just found Mark sitting on the other end of the table next to Jaemin. Maybe because Renjun and Jaemin were in the student council?), stops chewing with a thoughtful look on his face. “Hey you know what, that sounds a lot like Jae—ow!” He gives Renjun a glare. “What was that for?”

"In this house, we do not help out idiots," Renjun hisses through gritted teeth. Mark looks adorably confused, and before he can open his mouth to verbalize his reply, Jaemin interrupts.

“So about the 26th, what do you guys want to do?”

The boys then launch into their plans for the day after Christmas, Mark’s unfinished sentence forgotten.

 

\--

 

“Let’s go over there,” Jeno beckons Naeun to follow him. They weave through groups of people and move toward the center of the skating rink, where the crowd is less dense. As they reach a clearing, Jeno stops, mesmerized.

In front of him, at the center of the rink, is a familiar figure skating gracefully across the ice. Eyes sparkling with happiness, hair gently tousled by the wind, and clad in an oversized white dress shirt with billowy sleeves paired with black pants (Jeno is 100% sure there are layers of warmers under that) Jaemin flits on the ice like some kind of ice fairy. He speeds up and then slows down, eyes closed as if he's savoring the wind on his face. He skates a lap around the rink before picking up speed, and then he lifts off the ice to execute a double axel, landing steadily on one foot. Applause erupts from the small crowd of people who have gathered to watch him. Jaemin smiles shyly at that, and he performs one last upright spin before skating away from the center to near the edge of the rink, where he is welcomed by Mark Lee with a giant bear hug. Jaemin grins, pink dusting his cheeks in embarrassment, and he takes Mark’s arm to guide him near the center. Mark is wobbly, clearly inexperienced, and he almost topples to the ground. Jaemin eases his arms around Mark’s waist to keep him steady.

At the sight, Jeno’s world stops, shifts, and tilts further in its axis. He feels out of sorts, like parts of his body are disconnected. Everything he had been keeping under the surface—previously anchored by fear and uncertainty—now bubble up to the surface, creating ripples, eventually crashing powerfully into the shore as wave after wave of feelings overcome him. Jeno’s thoughts slide into place carefully, like pieces of a puzzle.

He remembers that incident under the mistletoe, where the sight of Hyeri leaning in to kiss him made him think of Jaemin. _I only want to kiss Na Jaemin._ It came so naturally that it surprised him.

He remembers struggling to find out what that had meant, and his contemplation led him to the brink of uncertainty and the fear of being ostracized. _I don’t like boys. I can’t like boys_ , he thought to himself.

He remembers dating girls who had striking similarities to Jaemin, and the slightly pained looks on Renjun and Donghyuck's faces whenever he waxed poetic about the traits he liked best in the girl he was currently dating. _We know something, but you have to figure it out for yourself, you idiot--_ it was written on their faces.

He remembers his parents assuring him that they would love him no matter what.

He remembers Jaemin, age twelve, face bright and earnest, as they lay down under the tree on Christmas Eve, pinkies barely touching. “Thank you for being my home today, Jeno,” he said sleepily. Jeno looked at Jaemin as his eyes fell shut, long lashes resting on his cheeks, and at that moment he thought he would want to be Jaemin’s home always.

 _I’m in love with Na Jaemin_ , he thinks. Everything seems to fall into place, and he feels the lightest he has ever been in a year. He wasn’t going to run away anymore.

“Jeno,” Naeun’s voice comes out hesitant, breaking into his thoughts. “I don’t think this is a good idea, after all. It’s too crowded and there are way too many people. Lunch was good, though.”

“Oh. Well. You’re right, why don’t we just—” he is cut off by a familiar voice yelling in pain. _Jaemin_ , his mind screams. Without second thought, he bolts in the direction of Jaemin’s voice and he finds Jaemin sitting on the ice, cradling his left hand.

“What happened?” he asks urgently.

“Jeno? What are you doing here?” Jaemin looks up at him, surprised.

Mark steps in. “Those kids fooling around pushed me,” he gestures at three elementary-aged kids standing off to the side, wearing guilty faces. “We lost balance and Jaemin stretched out his hand to break our fall. It doesn’t look like it’s broken though—”

“You don’t know that,” Jeno snaps. He helps Jaemin up and steers him in the direction of the exit. “I’ll take him to the hospital.”

“Oh, um, well, I’ll just take my leave then...” Mark trails off uncertainly after he watches Jeno help Jaemin out of his skates into regular shoes. Jeno then slings an arm protectively around Jaemin as he leads him out of the skating area into the parking lot.

“Sorry, Mark,” Jaemin says apologetically as he waves him off. “We’ll continue some other time.”

“No, you won’t,” Jeno mutters.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

 

\--

 

Thankfully, the ER doctor confirms that nothing is broken after a series of X-rays. Jaemin has soft tissue swelling, though— _Just a sprain_ , the doctor hurries to explain—so he advises Jaemin to ice the swollen area every eight hours, keep the left wrist stabilized and minimize movement.

They decide to have an impromptu sleepover. “My family misses you,” Jeno admits.

They drive home to Jeno’s house, where Jeno’s mother welcomes Jaemin with a warm hug after fretting over the bandage on his wrist. “It’s nice to have you back, sweetie,” she says, eyes turning into crescents just like her son’s.

“It’s good to be back, Mrs. Lee,” Jaemin says sincerely.

 

“I’m sorry,” Jeno says later that night as they lay on Jeno’s bed, waiting for sleep to overcome them. He doesn’t know what he’s apologizing for, but wants to say sorry anyway.

“What for?” Jaemin’s eyes blink curiously at him in the dim light.

“I don’t know, I feel like we drifted apart this year, and it’s my fault,” he replies honestly. “I missed you.”

Jaemin smiles reassuringly. “It’s okay, Jeno. Having other people in our lives is part of growing up.”

Jeno shifts to stare up at the ceiling. A couple of minutes pass before he speaks again. “I’m not dating Naeun anymore. I broke it off with her today while I was waiting for you to finish your tests.”

“Oh,” a pregnant pause. “I’m sorry. She seemed...nice.”

“Eh, she was okay. But not—not someone I imagine being with for a long time, you know?” He stops and hesitates. There’s something that’s been bothering him since that afternoon. He told himself he’d be patient and wait for Jaemin to say something, but in the end he finds it difficult to resist. “So when were you going to tell me about Mark Lee? Is that why he’s been hanging out with us so much, because you’re dating him?”

To Jeno’s surprise, Jaemin lets out a laugh. “What do you mean, dating Mark? Do you really think I’m dating him?” He sits up and stares down at Jeno.

“Aren’t you? You were on a date at the skating rink!”

“If I wanted Donghyuck to stop being my friend, sure, I’d date him,” Jaemin cackles. “Oh, Lee Jeno, you really need to be more perceptive,” Jaemin says with an annoying grin on his face. “Mark has been dating Donghyuck for a month. He asked me to teach him to skate today because he wants to take Donghyuck skating on Christmas Eve.”

Now that Jaemin has mentioned it, Jeno realizes he has been seeing Mark visiting Donghyuck’s house often in the past month. He even bumped into them at the movie theater a couple of weeks back. _Oh_ , his face brightens at the realization.

Jaemin’s smile grows bigger as he leans in closer, and Jeno feels his heart on his throat. “Don’t worry, you’re still my number one boy.” Jaemin teases.

 _What does that mean?_ Jeno wonders, heat creeping up his neck. “Shut up,” he replies, a weak attempt to cover up his embarrassment, and he reaches out to tickle Jaemin, who promptly collapses in laughter.

They were going to be okay.

 

❄          ❄          ❄

 

**NINETEEN**

 

Music is blasting at a decibel that isn’t suited to the human ear, and the ground is shaking from the collective effort of college students jumping to the beat of the music. The smell of booze and cigarettes pervade the air. In dimly lit areas of the house, people are paired up doing God-knows-what.

Jeno’s head throbs, and he hasn’t even had a drop of alcohol yet. The scenario around him is giving him a sense of déjà vu. The last time he was at a party like this, things did _not_ end well.

It was Christmas break, and Jeno and Jaemin traveled from their university a hundred or so miles away to spend the holidays with Jeno’s family. The two of them are university freshmen now, and they were lucky enough to get accepted in the same school—Jeno majoring in Veterinary Medicine, while Jaemin opting for Pre-Med Biology. Back in their old town, they were invited by one of Jeno’s old high school friends for a Christmas party. Jeno didn’t want to accept at first, but Jaemin insisted, wanting to let loose after the semester of stressful courses he was required to take.

Jeno steps into the kitchen, craning his head in search of Jaemin, until he spots a familiar mop of wavy honey caramel-colored hair moving languidly to the music, its owner receiving a cup of unidentified liquid from a guy who looked roughly two years older than them. “Drink up, cutie,” Jeno hears the guy say, as he eyes Jaemin with interest. Jeno feels his ears burn.

Rushing to Jaemin’s side, Jeno snatches the cup away before Jaemin could get a sip. “That’s enough, Nana.” He gives the other guy his most intimidating glare, and the guy puts up both of his hands in surrender and leaves.

Jaemin looks at him, eyes slightly unfocused, hair messed up and face flushed. “Jen, baby, where have you been? I missed you,” he buries his head on the crook of Jeno’s neck, and Jeno feels an electric jolt course through his veins when Jaemin’s lips accidentally brush his neck.

“I think that’s enough for the night,” he puts a steadying hold on Jaemin’s hips, helping him walk. Jaemin whines but allows Jeno to shepherd him. Jeno struggles with holding up Jaemin and opening the front door at the same time, and it is there that Jaemin opens his eyes and blinks dazedly at a mistletoe hanging from the ceiling.

“Look, Jen, a mistletoe!” Jaemin says drunkenly. He throws his arms around Jeno’s shoulders, who turns from his struggle with the door and catches him just in time. “It’s a mistletoe, Jen, I want my kiss! You know I love you, right?” he slurs, lips red and puckered invitingly as he makes a kissy face at Jeno.

Jeno flushes as his stares down at his inebriated best friend, hands on Jaemin’s waist, Jaemin’s arms looped around his neck. Even drunk, with his slurred speech, unfocused gaze, flushed face, and slightly chapped lips, Jaemin is beautiful. Jeno reaches out to cup Jaemin’s chin, and he leans in to press a gentle kiss on Jaemin’s forehead.

Jaemin pouts childishly. “No, nooo, Jen, give me a real kiss. I’m not a kid,” he whines drunkenly. “You can’t even kiss me because of a mistletoe. I’ve been waiting for you all this time.” Jeno sucks in a breath at that, heartbeat quickening at the words. He guides Jaemin patiently to his car and secures him in the passenger’s seat. By the time Jeno settles himself in the driver’s seat, Jaemin is already asleep, mouth open with drool dripping unattractively from the corner of his mouth. Jeno smiles at Jaemin fondly. He reaches out to smooth down Jaemin’s hair and wipes away the drool. Ever so gently, he strokes Jaemin’s face.

_Your kiss will come when you’re awake to remember it, Nana._

 

\--

 

Jaemin wakes up to the worst headache of his life. He is disoriented for a moment as he stares at the ceiling and blue walls ( _Isn't my dorm room all white?_ he thinks), until he shifts in bed and catches a whiff of a familiar scent—lemon, green apple, orange blossom and teak wood rolled into one. _Jeno._

He lifts his head and takes in Jeno’s childhood bedroom. _Oh, right, they were home for the holidays._ He’d insisted on attending a party thrown by a high school acquaintance. He only had fragments of memory from the party—he remembered being very drunk, Jeno practically carrying him to the car, there was also mistletoe and him whining for a kiss. Also, Jaemin realized with a jolt, a vague memory of him telling Jeno that he loved him.

 _Oh god, kill me now._ Jaemin groans. He buries his head into the pillow, only to be enveloped even more by Jeno’s scent. _I can always pretend I don’t remember._

The door opens and Jeno waltzes in, carrying a tray with a jug of water, an orange, and two slices of bed. “Good morning! I figured you’d be hungry.” He gestures to the pills on the tray. “I figured you’d need this too.”

Jaemin scrambles to take the pills and downs a third of the pitcher in one gulp. “Thanks, I lov— you’re a lifesaver.” He pops an orange slice in his mouth.

“You want to go for a jog?” Jeno asks suddenly.

Jaemin stares at him. “I was drunk off my ass last night, Jen. I’m dehydrated. Do you really want me to go for a jog?” he questions.

Jeno smirks at him, “I was thinking the fresh air might do you good. I didn’t know you were too weak for a morning jog—”

 _Oh no he didn’t._ “Meet me downstairs in fifteen minutes,” Jaemin grounds out.

Jeno just grins.

 

\--

 

Jaemin pants as he follows Jeno down the trail. _Next time, Na Jaemin, choose your battles_ , he scolds himself mentally. He really was too competitive for his own good sometimes. He finally reaches Jeno, who has stopped to wait for him.

“Walk with me?” Jeno says, slinging an arm over his shoulder.

Jaemin huffs. “Nonsense, I can still run—”

Jeno gives him a pointed look, and hands him a water bottle to drink from.

The two of them walk home in silence. The air is cold, but the layers of clothing plus the heat from their jog were keeping them both warm. As they pass by the park, Jeno makes a beeline for the monkey bars, while Jaemin drops exhausted on the bench in front of it. Jeno stretches his arms—he’s too tall now, hands grazing the top of the bars with the least bit of effort.

“We met here fourteen years ago,” Jeno says suddenly, turning to Jaemin, face serious. Jaemin swallows involuntarily, his throat suddenly dry. It isn’t often that he sees Jeno this intense outside of academics or sports, and for some reason it makes him nervous.

“I remember clearly,” Jaemin says softly. “I saw a scrawny kid by the sandbox and thought, _‘let me show this kid how to win a race across the monkey bars.’_ ”

Jeno bursts in laughter, eyes turning back into crescents. He walks until he’s standing in front of Jaemin, then he drops on his haunches so that the two of them are almost at eye level.

“Yesterday, you asked for a kiss under the mistletoe.” he starts without preamble. Jaemin sucks in a breath. “You also said you loved me,” Jeno continues.

“T-that,” Jaemin stutters. He cringes inwardy. Na Jaemin does _not_ stutter. “I wasn’t really—”

“I love you,” Jeno interrupts, hands encircling Jaemin’s wrists. “Not in a ‘bro’ kind of way, but in a ‘hold your hair back while you vomit your guts out’, ‘sing you cheesy love songs even if my voice sucks’, ‘give you the last piece of premium beef’, ‘hold your hand when you’re being petty’, ‘call you handsome even when we’re old, wrinkly and ugly’ kind of way.” He pauses to take a breath and entwines his fingers with Jaemin. “I’m sorry if I kept you waiting. I didn’t kiss you last night because I want you to remember our first.”

Jaemin’s heart swells, and he knows it isn’t biologically possible but he feels like his heart has occupied his entire ribcage, threatening to shatter the bone. “I love you, too." he replies softly, eyes shining brightly. "I’ve known you were _the one_ since the moment you let me win that monkey bar race.” He rests his forehead against Jeno. “Did you really make me go through _all that_ , just to bring me here and confess?” he teases.

Jeno doesn’t answer, but the lopsided smile on his face says it all. "Can I kiss you now?" he asks, voice barely above a whisper. The smile Jaemin gives him is one of the brightest he's ever seen, like the sparkle of a star just a few hundred light years away on a cloudless night sky. He pulls down on the hands he’s holding, and Jaemin leans in. Their first kiss tastes like peppermint, orange, and a promise of forever.

 

  
❄          ❄          ❄

 

**TWENTY-SEVEN**

 

“Thank you for your hard work.” the main surgeon says as he leaves the operating table.

With a sigh of relief, Jaemin steps out of the operating field and stretches. As he scrubs out of the surgical gown and discards the no-longer-sterile gloves, his eyes travel to the clock. _11:15 PM._

After washing his hands, he fishes his phone out of his pocket. _2 new messages._ He opens his conversation with Jeno.

 

\--

 

**Thursday, 24 December, 8:13 PM**

From: Jaemin

To: Love

_I have a stat appendectomy at 8:30. Text you when I finish._

 

**Thursday, 24 December, 8:15 PM**

From: Jeno

To: Baby

_Okay, good luck. :)_

 

**Thursday, 24 December, 10:04 PM**

From: Jeno

To: Baby

_Have you eaten dinner yet? Don’t skip meals, you know your stomach always acts up when you don’t eat._

_Your favorite rubber tire coffee isn’t helping with your acidity, either._

  

**Thursday, 24 December, 11:18 PM**

From: Jaemin

To: Love

_Sorry, got decked to a stat cholecystectomy._

_Leave my coffee alone._

_I’m going out in a bit to buy dinner._

_Are you still awake?_

 

\--

 

Jaemin slips his phone into the breast pocket of his white coat, not really expecting a reply. It was late, and in his mind’s eye he sees Jeno back at their apartment, fast asleep in their bed, a game probably left unfinished on his phone.

The paging system beeps to indicate an announcement as he’s waiting for the elevator. “Dr. Na, Dr. Na Jaemin, to paging counter, please. Dr. Na Jaemin to paging counter.”

He sighs a bit. _What was it this time?_ He checks his phone for any update on surgical cases, but the screen remains blank. As he punches the ‘G’ button on the elevator, the paging system beeps again. “Dr. Na, Dr. Na Jaemin, to fifth floor, please. Dr. Na Jaemin to fifth floor.”

His phone goes off, and he checks his phone quickly to see a message from Renjun.

 

**Thursday, December 24, 11:32 PM**

From: Renjun

To: Nana

_Heads up, there’s a leaking aortic aneurysm at the ER going up in 30 minutes._

_Go grab dinner first._

_I’ll take care of your page in the fifth._

 

**Thursday, December 24, 11:34 PM**

From: Jaemin

To: Injun

_Thanks, sweetie, what would I do without you? :-*_

 

**Thursday, December 24, 11:36 PM**

From: Renjun

To: Nana

_Ur gross_

**Thursday, December 24, 11:37 PM**

From: Jaemin

To: Injun

 ♡✧( ु•⌄• )

 

Jaemin smiles slightly. He’s lucky he has Renjun with him. General Surgery residency is exhausting, and having a friend to share the burden and experiences with was definitely helping him adjust.

When he reaches the ground floor, he heads straight to the paging counter and taps on the window. “Excuse me, I’m Dr. Na, you paged me?”

The woman behind the counter smiles, “Oh, there was a gentleman who—”

Jaemin feels a strong arm wrap around his midsection and he nearly jumps in surprise. “Hey, baby,” a low voice whispers in his ear. He relaxes into the touch.

Jaemin throws an apologetic smile at the woman, who now looks slightly embarrassed, and mutters a quick thank you before he takes the arm around his waist and drags his boyfriend to the Doctor’s Lounge.

"Did you really have me paged for this?” Jaemin asks in disbelief, laughing a bit.

Jeno’s hands find their way to his waist. He pulls Jaemin towards him. “Why, is that not allowed?” he asks innocently. He gives Jaemin a quick peck on the lips. “I missed your face. And I brought you food.” He reaches out to hand Jaemin a takeout bag.

They settle themselves in one of the corner tables of the lounge for privacy. Jaemin scarfs down the food ( _“Baby, you should slow down, or you’re going to choke. The food’s not going anywhere.” “Shut up, I haven’t eaten since 9 AM.”_ ), and he listens earnestly to Jeno as he tells the story of how they removed a kidney stone from a Golden Retriever at the Veterinary Hospital earlier that day. When Jaemin excitedly tells him about how his consultant allowed him to perform the appendectomy solo on their first case, Jeno beams with pride, hand rubbing circles on Jaemin’s thigh.

This is their life. Now that Jeno is in his internship for Veterinary school and Jaemin is in his first year of surgical residency, their time together is becoming less and less, even if they already live together. They struggle to make it work and learn to compromise along the way. No matter how tired he is, Jaemin always makes Jeno breakfast when he isn’t on duty. Since he has more time in his hands, Jeno takes care of bringing their clothes to the laundromat and keeping their apartment clean. When Jaemin comes home from work with a cloud hanging over his head, Jeno wordlessly makes him sit down on the couch and massages his shoulders, arms and feet, smoothing the muscle knots and rubbing the tension away. Sometimes, Jaemin rants and he listens, but when Jaemin is too tired to talk, they bask in the comfortable silence. He carries Jaemin to bed and changes his clothes when he falls asleep while being massaged. When Jeno is excited to see a new movie, try out a new restaurant, watch a basketball match or do anything that involves his interests, Jaemin shakes himself awake to accompany him, even if he has been running on zero sleep for 36 hours. Sometimes, when they particularly miss each other, Jeno visits Jaemin at the hospital, if only to spend a few minutes together.

“You guys are awfully domesticated,” Donghyuck said during one of his visits to their apartment, lips curling in fake disgust as he watched the two of them.

Jaemin’s phone beeps just as he slurps the last drop of soup from the take-out bowl.

 

**Thursday, December 24, 11:51 PM**

From: Renjun

To: Nana

_Repair of aneurysm starting in 10 minutes. Sorry, we need a second assist._

 

**Thursday, December 24, 11:53 PM**

From: Jaemin

To: Injun

_Got it, I'll be there in five._

 

He sighs and turns to Jeno apologetically. “Sorry, I need to scrub in on another surgery. This will likely last until morning.”

Jeno shrugs his shoulder dismissively. “It’s no problem.” He pulls Jaemin flush against him, arms snaking around Jaemin’s waist as Jaemin’s arms come up to encircle his shoulders. They stay like that for a while, reveling in each other’s warmth, breathing in each other’s scent, before breaking apart.

Jaemin pulls Jeno back in for a slow and gentle kiss before resting his chin on Jeno’s shoulder. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Just call me when it’s time for me to pick you up.” Jeno reaches up to gently thread his fingers through Jaemin’s locks. “Now, go save a life.”

Jaemin gives Jeno's behind a gentle pat before rushing out to the operating room. “For good luck!” Jaemin calls out mischievously.

 

❄          ❄          ❄

  

**THIRTY-FIVE**

 

The sky is overcast, shades of light gray stretching over the horizon, not a glimpse of blue in sight. The morning air is cool on the skin, almost unforgiving when it strengthens into a gale. The bright golden leaves of autumn trees have long since fallen, the winds of winter slipping past the withered tree branches. Snow falls over the city for the first time that year, painting the town in immaculate white.

Jaemin stirs in his sleep, long eyelashes fluttering over his cheeks. The layers of blankets thrown haphazardly on top of him and the body heat of a person pressed against his back are keeping him comfortable even in the cold winter morning. He snuggles closer to the warmth.

The body next to him shifts, and the arm wrapped securely around his waist pulls away. Jaemin opens his eyes slowly and lets his eyes adjust to the light. He turns to his side and whines, squinting at the person lying next to him. “Jen, come back here, it’s cold.”

Jeno doesn’t move. His eyes are closed and his breathing is steady, but the corners of his lips turning up betray his wakefulness. Jaemin's eyebrows furrow in mock annoyance, and he reaches out to wrap his feet on Jeno’s ankles in retaliation.

Jeno’s eyes blink open, dropping the pretense of slumber, as his husband’s cold feet rub against his ankles. “Nana, stop that,” he groans, voice deep and laced with sleep. He reaches down to take one of Jaemin’s legs, hands gently massaging his calf.

Jaemin hums appreciatively before slipping his leg from Jeno’s grasp. He rolls to Jeno’s side of the bed and wraps his arms around Jeno’s waist, sighing contentedly at the warmth. “Good morning, love,” he greets, voice equally deep. He gives Jeno a quick kiss before burying his face on the crook of Jeno’s neck.

”Good morning, baby.” Jeno presses Jaemin close with one arm, a hand coming up to run through Jaemin’s disheveled hair. He uses his other hand to rearrange the blankets over them. He feels Jaemin's hands slip under his black shirt, fingers dancing lightly across his abdomen, slithering down, _down_ towards the waistband of his pajama pants--

Suddenly, the door to their bedroom bursts open, and Jaemin's hands withdraw like he's been burned, a small sound akin to a groan dying at back of his throat, while Jeno presses his lips to suppress his laughter. Light footsteps run across the room, followed by the soft footfalls of animal paws. A small figure dives into the bed, lying horizontally on top of both of them.

“Daddy, Daddy, it’s snowing!” a voice yells excitedly.

“Ah well, maybe later then?” Jeno whispers good-naturedly, and Jaemin pokes him on the side before pulling away.

”Good morning, my beautiful princess. You’re especially lovely this morning.” Jaemin's deep voice pitching high with aegyo. Earlier plans disrupted, but instantly enamoured at the presence of their adopted daughter, Jaemin gives four year-old Chaeyong a kiss on the cheek and gently holds her in his lap. She’s already clad in winter clothes, obviously able to charm the caretaker into helping her dress up.

Chaeyong kicks her feet excitedly. “Can we please go out and make a snowman, Daddy? Let’s go out, please?” Jeno smiles at that, reminded of Jaemin when they were still kids. He slips out of bed to clean himself up, and he pulls on a thick winter coat as Jaemin fixes up their child.

“Hold on a second, princess,” Jaemin says patiently as he straightens Chaeyong’s clothes and helps her put on her boots.

Already dressed to step outside the house, Jeno reaches out to ruffle Chaeyong’s hair, successfully messing it up as Chaeyong squeals. Jaemin gives Jeno a pointed took before he runs a brush over their daughter’s wavy brown hair.

“Can Chuseok come too?” she asks, and the couple eyes the two year-old Samoyed waiting patiently at the foot of the bed.

“Of course,” Jeno answers. He takes Chaeyong’s hand and signals to Jaemin as he starts to lead her and Chuseok outside the room.

“I’ll be right down,” Jaemin calls out, heading to the bathroom to remove the traces of sleep from his face.

 

\--

 

Ten minutes later, Jeno stands on the porch watching their daughter giggle as she makes snow angels on the yard. Chuseok is stretching himself happily on the snow not far away. An arm wraps around his waist, and he turns to see Jaemin hold up a mug of dark-colored liquid with his other hand.

Jeno makes a face. “Coffee?”

Jaemin sniffs. “It’s hot chocolate,” he says, before taking a sip and setting the mug on the porch.

Jeno smiles and takes hold of Jaemin’s arm on his waist, hand sliding down until he’s able to intertwine their fingers.

Jaemin leans into his side with a contented sigh, smile bright, eyes twinkling. “I’m happy,” he says with finality. “You know, I love all the seasons, but I think I might love winter the most. A lot of important things in our lives happened during winter.”

“My winters have always been warm because you were by my side.” Jeno replies, eyes disappearing into crescents, before bringing up Jaemin’s left hand to kiss it, not unlike what he did thirty years ago when they first met.

Jaemin's eyes are soft and full of love. "Thank you for being my home, Jen."

Thirty years as best friends, sixteen years together as a couple, six years married, Jeno's heart still soars whenever he hears Jaemin call him his _home_. He's unbelievably thankful every day, and sometimes it hits him at the most random times. Like when he’s chopping vegetables for dinner, Jaemin cooking by his side when he’s home early from the hospital, as Chaeyong swings her legs on the counter while she excitedly shows off what she drew for the day. Or when Jaemin and him are in bed at night, Jaemin’s head nestled on his arm, Jeno playing absently with Jaemin’s fingers, as they talk of their future, of Jeno building his own Veterinary clinic, of Jaemin setting up a charity in association with his work as a Pediatric Surgeon, of their plans of giving Chaeyong only the best in life, of eventually getting a cat if Chuseok is gentle enough. The list goes on. How did a chance meeting at the neighborhood park turn into this? He feels incredibly blessed indeed.

Jeno doesn’t know what the future holds, but what he knows with certainty is that the two of them will face come what may together, as they have always done.

 

_To me, it’s only you. I’ll swear upon the rest of my life, there won’t be another you—you’re my last._

  

❄          FIN          ❄

**Author's Note:**

> i. The appearance of skater!Jaemin and surgeon!Jaemin are purely self-indulgent, based on the facts that (1) Jaemin used to be a speedskater (cue all Jaemin stans wanting to see him skate) and (2) Jaemin mentioned in an SM Super Idol League broadcast that he wanted to become a surgeon. I know nothing about figure skating, so apologies in advance if there are inconsistencies in the skating rink scene. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  
> ii. Song line at the start of the story is from Jonghyun's _Our Season (Warm Winter)_. I was listening to this song a lot as I was writing the first section. [Listen to it if you haven't, it's beautiful. :)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T1covdgFEig). Title taken from the lyrics of of Elvis Presley’s (and everyone else who covered it ㅋㅋㅋ) _Can’t Help Falling in Love_. Last line in the story is from NCT Dream’s _My First and Last._  
>  iii. Thank you for taking time to read! I hope this story made you feel warm and fluffy and happy, as we should during this time of the year. ೭੧(❛▿❛✿)੭೨


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